


The Letter

by FruHallbera



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Armitage Hux Has Issues, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 22:39:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruHallbera/pseuds/FruHallbera
Summary: Kylux Cantina prompt: Receiving a letter a long time after it has been sentHux and Kylo have broken up, and Hux tries to fix things by sending Kylo a letter.





	The Letter

The tattered, white envelope sat on his coffee table, the shoeprint from when Kylo had accidentally trod on it obscuring the hand-written address. It had been there for three days already. He ought to open it and see what was inside – no, what he _ought_ to do was to leave it unopened and toss it away. The neat, tight penmanship was instantly recognizable and the therefore the cause of Kylo’s discomfort. 

Hux was in the past. There was nothing to be done about it now. It was over, whatever it was that they’d shared. Hux had moved back to the UK and left Kylo feeling uncharacteristically small in the too-big and too-empty house. 

It was over.

The letter would bring nothing but more pain. Kylo should shred it.

He took the envelope, turned it around in his hands and, closing his eyes, crumpled it. Only a moment later he was kneeling in front of the trash bin, digging the letter out again and smoothing it against the floor. He gathered all his courage and tore it open.

_Kylo,_

_You know how unbelievably incapable I am talking about my feelings. You’d say that all I’m good for is arguing, and you’d be absolutely right. Nevertheless, I must try._

_Kylo, you are my everything. Sappy, yes, something I’d be unable to utter out loud because… well, because I am mess, I have issues and I have avoided taking care of them because I am afraid of the pain.  
You were right all along._

_But believe me, you were, and are, my everything._

_I screwed it all up, and I do understand if you never want to see me again, but please let me say that I’m sorry. So sorry, for everything. For doubting you, your love and your strength._

_I still love you Kylo. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. See- I can write it down easily enough (it only took me 30 minutes to work up the courage and I am not going to toss this letter, I am not, I will send this to you). If only I had the balls to say it to you, to shout it to the world at large._

_There it is. I’ve said it._

_I love you, and if I could unmake this horrible mess I managed to concoct I would. I’d give anything to fix this._

_Because I love you._

_I’m still at the hotel, it’ll take a week or so to wrap things up here before I’ll be able to fly out._

_So if you want to… if you want to see me, even just to shout at me, anything, I’ll be here._

_Just know that I love you and I’m so so sorry._

_Yours,_

_Armitage_

Kylo scrambled frantically for the envelope, scraped the mud from his shoeprint off the stamp and stared. The letter had been sent a month ago.

He could – he _should_ leave it, let things be, continue with his life and let Hux get on with his.

Kylo’s elbow hit the corner of the table as he went for his laptop. Ignoring the pain he began to search for plane tickets.

**  
It was a Friday. His workmates became disgustingly cheerful as the clock crept forwards, too slow for them but far too fast for Hux. He dreaded the weekend, the empty, silent flat and nothing to distract him from the absolute nothingness of his existence. His boss had forbidden him from working overtime, she’d said that they were starting to affect the budget, so he’d just had to go home.

Working days, he could handle. He’d wake up, drink his coffee and go to work, lose himself in his projects until it became time to go home, where he had set up a strict routine of cooking, cleaning and avoiding going to bed until absolutely necessary. His days were grey, but his nights were cold.

Cold, and too silent, even when he left the radio on to drown out his circling thoughts.

Weekends were pure horror. Hux was hollow, an automaton, able to function just enough to go through the motions his work required. Outside of work he spoke to no one, rarely left his flat and filled his evenings watching tv shows he couldn’t remember anything of afterwards.

He usually held his phone in his hands when he sat on his sofa. Kylo’s number right there, under the picture of him Hux had taken on one perfect day, the bright sunlight behind Kylo blurring his outline but making the man look like the source of all light and warmth in this world. Hux had almost touched the call button more than once but always snatched his hand back before his finger touched the screen.

Kylo did not want him anymore. It was over.

Hux had messed it all up as he always did. Kylo deserved better, this was for the best. If only he could make himself believe it as well. He didn’t know if Kylo had read the letter, all he knew that Kylo had not showed up at the hotel or at the airport – Hux had left his flight info at the hotel’s reception and had nearly missed his flight in his desperate hope that he’d see the Kylo’s massive bulk forcing his way through the airport’s chaos.

Hux remembered only snippets of the flight. It had taken all his might to keep himself together and not to fall apart over the Atlantic. He had had to lock himself in the toilet a few times to choke back tears and the flight attendants had cast concerned looks at his red-rimmed eyes and shaking hands.

He had made it, though. He had made it back from the States, had managed to pull his life together, at least to some extent, and he knew he would be all right in the future.

Not whole, or happy, but sufficiently all right. And right now, _sufficient_ felt like a worthy achievement.

But he had written the letter. He had not destroyed it but bought a stamp and sent it. 

Maybe that had been a mistake. He still had a sliver of hope to cling to, that maybe Kylo had read it and maybe he still loved Hux despite everything that he was. If he hadn’t written it things might have been more clear and he could get over Kylo and move on. 

Hope was a curse. 

Yet that hope was what he still nursed as he lay awake in his bed, imagining Kylo’s arms around him, promising himself never to nag about his snoring if he ever got to hear it again.

Saturday morning came with rain and overcast skies. Hux lingered in bed after yet another sleepless night until his stomach growled, and he hoisted himself up to sit on the edge of his bed. He sat there, staring at the wall until his hunger forced him towards the small kitchen.

Then, a frantic pounding at his door.

Then, a familiar, large, dark-haired figure in Hux’s doorway, clutching a crumpled piece of paper in his hand.

Then, everything.

**

For a few seconds, all Hux could do was to stand still and stare. Then his feet moved on their own, arms wrapped around Kylo’s neck and he pressed himself against Kylo’s body. He held his breath for the endless moment Kylo stood not moving, afraid that he’d be pushed away and wanting to commit as much of this in his memory as possible if this was to be the last time he got to hold Kylo. When he felt Kylo’s arms around his waist, it must have been the force of the embrace that made his eyes water.

It was as he remembered. The heat of what must have been a furnace burning inside Kylo driving the perpetual chill away from Hux’s bones, their bodies slotting perfectly against each other, the crook of Kylo’s neck custom made for Hux to press his face against, inhaling the maddening scent of Kylo’s skin. The absolute safety of his arms around Hux, promising to guard him from the sometimes too horrifying reality.

“You didn’t come to the airport.” It was not what he was supposed to say. His hands clutched Kylo’s jacket convulsively.

“I know. I’m so sorry.” Kylo wasn’t letting go either. “I didn’t get your letter in time.”

“I messed it all up. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please believe me. Kylo, I’m so sorry.” And now he was babbling. He needed to shut up _right now_ , before he’d screw everything up again.

Kylo didn’t answer, only tightened his hold. It took some time, but eventually Hux got himself together enough to pull back a little. He pried a shaking hand off Kylo’s jacket to wipe the tears off his eyes. “I’ve mussed your clothes. I’m sorry.”

“Hux. Stop.” Kylo held him at arm’s length and something in Hux’s expression made him sigh and stroke a thumb across his cheek. “Stop saying you’re sorry. We are both in this mess together. I’ve had the entire flight to think about this. We’ll work it out. I promise.” 

Hux nodded, afraid to say anything. This was new, this particular kind of being afraid. He had been fearful before, had feared for his own safety and learned all too well to shield himself from getting wounded. This was – this was a fear of loss so strong he could taste it in his mouth. 

“How – how did you find me?” It was a desperate attempt to find a subject not likely to cause Hux managing to anger Kylo and drive him away.

“Phasma,” Kylo shrugged, “and I may have bullied Mitaka a bit.”

“Kylo!”

“He’ll live.” Hux imagined he saw a mall smile flicker on Kylo’s lips and his shoulders dropped minutely. “I called work from the airport and told them there’s a family emergency. Took the first flight out.”

Hux stared, wide-eyed. “You just – you just dropped everything. You can’t –“ He was heading down a dangerous path, he’d start arguing soon and needed to stop himself. He forced his mouth shut, biting the inside of his cheek to remind himself to stay calm. There was something far more important to say.

Hux screwed his eyes closed, then opened them again. He cleared his throat and took a half a step closer of Kylo. Forcing his teeth off the flesh of his cheek and feeling his insides knotting up with anxiety, he took a deep breath before whispering “I love you” to Kylo’s belt buckle.

It was easier to say it again once the first declaration had not caused the situation to deteriorate. With much more confident air the next “I love you” was said to the third button of Kylo’s shirt and Hux was moving up to the hollow of his throat but by this time he was already being kissed.


End file.
